Tag: Excommunication and Shunnings

Are Your Pastors/Elders As Rude As The Ones At Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley?

  • Cartoon used by permission of David Hayward in Canada.
  • hayward_2lambs
  • How Do Pastors/Elders Know You’re A Part Of The Church If You Don’t Sign a Membership Covenant?

I started to wince as he was speaking, the color rising in my cheeks and in my neck, as I turned red from embarrassment.  My (ex) senior pastor Cliff McManis at Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley was standing at the pulpit during the Sunday service, announcing to church members and visitors that how did he or the pastors/elders know that you were “one of theirs”, were part of “their flock” if you “hadn’t signed a Membership Covenant?”

(He proudly made those rude, childish announcements so many times, as did elders like Tim Wong, Sam Kim, and Bob Douglas, that Christians who were visiting would get up and walk out of the church service. I don’t blame them. I wish I had left too. )

  • My Answer: Because They’re Here

I sat in my pew horrified at his presentation, at the sheer rudeness and immaturity he proudly displayed to members and visitors. I silently retorted, “Because they showed up, that’s how you know. They found the address of the church, the church service time, got dressed and got here. That’s how you know.”

  • An Example of Pastoral Confusion For Those Who Didn’t Sign a Membership Covenant

Cliff McManis carried on and with each sentence he said he got horrifyingly worse.  And he was smiling.  He said to us as an example, “Oh a person told me that I was their pastor and I said to them, ‘Thanks so much for telling me. I didn’t know that I was your pastor! I didn’t know that YOU considered me YOUR PASTOR.'”

He smiled and laughed.  With dramatic flair and waving his arms, a smirk on his face, he said, “How do the other elders and I know that you’re one of our flock if you didn’t sign a Membership Covenant?”

  • My Response: How Many Pages of a Membership Covenant Did Jesus Make People Sign to Follow Him?

By this time my cheeks were ablaze with color at the galling rudeness Cliff McManis and the other GBFSV pastors/elders showed to our visitors.  I wanted to stand up and shout, “Because they’re here, that’s how you can tell! How many pages of a Membership Covenant did Jesus make people sign to follow Him? Correct answer: 0 pages.  How many pages of a Membership Covenant did the Apostle Paul make people sign to join the local church? Correct answer: 0 pages.”

There was no talking sense to the GBFSV pastors/elders. They were intractable. They agreed among themselves that this was their right, and they couldn’t see how wrong they really were in their treatment of Christians.

  • What Jesus Thought Of Contracts

For thousands of years the Christian church has gotten along just fine without Membership Covenants.  In fact, there is a problem with them and the spread of them, particularly among NeoCalvinist and Reformed churches.  They aren’t Biblical.  They come from the 1970’s heavy-Shepherding Movement in Florida, whose founders later repented for its abuses and repented for the damage they did. They had wanted to deal with the sexual sin in one of the five leaders in their group. They wanted accountability. It turned in to legalism and authoritarianism.

Jesus said let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no’ and that anything beyond that was from the devil.  Membership Covenants are beyond the simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer that Jesus expects Christians to give. That answer is to suffice.

  • What’s Wrong With Membership Covenants

Membership Covenants, on the surface, seem fine. They are filled with Scripture verses. Sign the dotted line. It will be fine. But they aren’t fine. They are a tool of authoritarian control. We don’t need them. We are a priesthood of believers.

Membership Covenants take the role of the Holy Spirit out of Christians’ lives and put pastors/elders in charge, a place they have no business being. The detailed instructions of what we are to do or not do in Membership Covenants are not needed in the Christian life since we are to mature, the Holy Spirit changes us, and we are to do things out of Love.

Three articles on the subject of what is Biblically wrong with Membership Covenants were written by Wade Burleson, a Baptist pastor in Enid, Oklahoma, and Tim Fall, a long-time Christian who works in the legal field in California. Dee and Deb, long-time conservative Christians in North Carolina (Dee is a former nurse) and excellent researchers with M.B.A.’s, also addressed the serious problems with Membership Covenants and why Christians should refuse to sign them.

  • Wade Burleson

http://www.wadeburleson.org/2015/05/five-reasons-to-say-no-to-church.html

 

07d7c-no2bto2bcovenant

 

  • Tim Fall

https://timfall.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/covenant-with-god-not-church/

  • Dee Parsons and Deb Martin, The Wartburg Watch

http://thewartburgwatch.com/2011/02/25/membership-covenant-red-flags/

http://thewartburgwatch.com/2015/04/09/further-proof-you-are-signing-a-legal-contract-not-a-membership-covenant-courtesy-of-the-gospel-coalition

One man posted on The Wartburg Watch this:

“And on and on it goes, a relentless list of reminders that you are to be obedient, generous — as dumb farm animals who do as they’re told. I know how this goes: “That’s not real Christianity,” somebody will object. It’s not the religion of Jesus, for sure, but it sure as hell is historic Christianity — and it stinks and does harm. Presentation of this ‘membership covenant’ is all any sane adult should need to see what these predators actually are.”

  • Getting Out Of An Authoritarian Church. Advice From The Wartburg Watch. [Note: At Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley the pastors/elders REQUIRE that Christians wanting to leave GBFSV go through an ‘exit interview’. That is un-Biblical as well as unlawful in the United States and California since the Appellate Courts have ruled that belonging to a religious group is voluntary and that people can leave whenever they want to. (If you need to leave an abusive church like Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley, send them a certified return receipt letter and resign, no explanations. If they bother you, call the police and an attorney. If need be, have an attorney send a “cease and desist letter” to the GBFSV pastors/elders. If they harass you or order other people to harass you, file police reports, including for stalking. If need be, file a lawsuit against GBFSV pastors/elders.) Also Jesus permitted people to freely leave, no exit-interveiws. Hypocritically, the GBFSV pastors/elders brought their friend a Megan’s List sex offender/child pornographer to church, gave him church membership, a leadership position over a team, access to all church events, and even invited him to volunteer with children at the 5-day Basketball Camp, told no one, and did not vet him with his supervising law enforcement agency, The Santa Clara County Sheriff’s Office sex offenders’ task force or with the California Attorney General’s Office. Both agencies called the GBFSV pastors/elders Cliff McManis, Sam Kim, Tim Wong, and Bob Douglas’ story about the sex offender ‘all lies’ and ‘total lies’. The GBFSV pastors/elders told me that the sex offender was ‘coming off Megan’s List [of registered sex offenders]  because ‘he said so’.  Since when do you take a convicted felon’s/sex offender’s “word” and not take “the word” of his supervising law enforcement agency? Since when don’t you vet a felon with his supervising law enforcement, after he got out of prison? He’s got a supervising law enforcement agency for a reason. Yet non-felonious adults who want to leave GBFSV aren’t permitted to without having ‘an exit interview’. Run people, run.]

“How to get out of a previously signed covenant.

You may be able to get out of a covenant/contract by following the advice in this TWW post. We are still working on a resource page on this matter since we seem to be one of the few sources educating church goers of this concerning trend.

Once again, you are signing a legal contract no matter what cutesy, spiritual name they apply to it. 

Here is a brief excerpt from that post!

The Membership Covenant

Did you know that most churches consult attorneys to draw up these covenants? Are you aware that they were developed, not for purposes of sweet fellowship, but to protect the church in case an angry church member sues them? Did you know that some angry church members are actually justified? For those of you who have signed such a document (Dee has and has successfully gotten out of one), were you advised that you were signing a document that had been vetted by lawyers? (Dee was not). An open and honest church should advise unsuspecting potential members of this fact and encourage them to seek similar advice.

How to Resign

Three years ago, I spoke with a nationally well-known attorney who informed me that the only power that churches have is the ability to throw members out of the church. They can do that with very little recrimination. But, they could have some legal trouble announcing a member’s supposed “sins” to the full church if said member employs the following procedure. What we are about to discuss has been “run by” legal experts. However, TWW states categorically that this should not be taken to mean it is an official legal position. Please seek advice of an attorney for an authorized opinion.

The Steps:

  • Resign your church membership prior to the all-church announcement. Better yet, before harsh discipline is applied.
  • Keep your lips sealed.
  • Do not tell anyone that you are going to take the following action. You do not want Sally Sycophant (we all know a few of these) to run to the pastors and report this, giving them an opportunity quickly schedule the all church gossip session.

The Letter:  (We give special thanks to ARCE, who knows a thing or two, for sending this format to TWW.)

1. Send the following letter, return receipt requested (and tracking, in case the Post Office lets them have it without returning the card).
2. Put the return receipt number on the heading of the letter (you can get the form with the number at the PO, before typing the letter).
3. The format

Date
To the pastors and administrators at ____________ church.

This letter is notice that I am not longer a member [attendee] at _______________ church, effective with the date of this letter.
As a non-member, I am no longer subject to any of your discipline as of (date on letter). After (date on letter), any publication, notice, or speaking about me by any church staff or recognized church leader is no longer authorized by me.
Any negative remark or statement about me, any encouragement that people shun me, or any action other than deleting me from your records will be evaluated for possible legal action for libel or other tort claim against the individuals involved and the organization.
If any one asks about me, refer them to me, any other action may result in a tort claim against you.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. You must desist from any act that may harm my reputation or me or come between me and other persons of my acquaintance. Legal action may ensue.
Sincerely,

Sending this letter and the aftermath

  • You must mail the letter on the date on the letter and they will not receive it for a couple of days thereafter.
  • Keep a copy, print out the tracking showing when it was delivered, keep the green card or, if it is refused, the returned letter (they are legally responsible for the content if they refuse it).
  • Document any response or any failure to comply. If they (leadership or staff) call, listen but do not talk, except to say “I disagree” if they make a false statement about you.
  • Document the conversation.
  • Go to an attorney if they proceed to trash your reputation or that of your business.
  • Do not respond by trashing the organization. “

 

  • Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley Pastors/Elders Tell People Who Aren’t Willing To Sign A Membership Covenant Not To Come To Church

The Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley pastors/elders have changed church documents and openly announce from the pulpit that Christians who aren’t willing to sign a Membership Covenant should not come to church. At GBFSV they preach “another Gospel”, focused on themselves, their power, and their (false) claims to authority over Christians’ lives. They even go as far as to say that the Bible “mandates” it and they misuse God’s name for their own ends. (Cliff McManis’ two ‘advanced degrees’ including a  “Ph.D.” are from a diploma mill in Independence, Missouri, according to the U.S. Department of Education. The “college” is unaccredited and run out of an old store. A real Ph.D. takes eight years to earn from an accredited university. Christians should close their wallets and not donate any money to GBFSV, or their time.)

Darlene posted this on The Wartburg Watch (9/22/16) about Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley’s Membership Covenant, ByLaws, Statement of Faith and other documents. “By the way…reading the By Laws from your former church [Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley] alone (not even getting through the entire document) reminds me of being put in a stranglehold. Rigid power structure is what comes to mind. And what is it with not wanting people to attend often without committing to signing the membership covenant/contract? Something to the effect of….maybe you should just find another church to attend if all you want to do is come to our services. Very strange.”

Muff Potter commenting on 9/22/16 on The Wartburg Watch blog about Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley’s Membership Covenant and other authoritarian documents. “Holy you know what! That’s quite the manifesto they require you to sign onto. Tell me though, do they recruit many of the kids fresh out of Stanford? Or are they just a lot of wind on their growth projections?”

Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley lacks love and lacks “grace”. Don’t sign and don’t give. Find a healthier church.  Jesus welcomed people.

 

 

9Marks Attempting “Brand Enhancement” – Guest Post by Todd Wilhelm —[note this is a story about Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley and my review]

“Victims of their heavy-handed, authoritarian abuses are taking to social media in ever-increasing numbers to let their fellow pew-sitters hear about the outrageous abuses they have suffered in churches who have implemented the 9Marx manifesto.” Todd Wilhelm

via 9Marks Attempting “Brand Enhancement” – Guest Post by Todd Wilhelm —

Spiritual Abuse Masked as Spiritual Authority by Wade Burleson

by Velour/MtnShepherdess

*reblogged with permission from Wade Burleson ©, pastor in Enid, Oklahoma, author, Istoria Ministries blog http://www.wadeburleson.org/2009/03/spiritual-abuse-masked-as-spiritual.html

Today is part one of a seven part series on identifying the characteristics of spiritually abusive systems of religion. Future posts on the subject will be linked with this one to form a complete series when finished over the next several weeks. This subject is an important one in our day.

Spiritual abuse can be found in churches, non-profits, and denominational organizations. It is not limited to fundamentalists or liberals, Christians or cults, but may run the spectrum of theological ideologies. My friend, Jeff VanVonderen, has come up with a definition of spiritual abuse in his bestselling book, co-authored by David Johnson, entitled The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse. Using the book as a guide, the following is a descriptivedefinition of spiritual abuse.

Spiritual abuse is when a leader uses his or her religious position of authority to control, intimidate or dominate another person. It also occurs when a person in need of answers, help or support is denigrated for either questioning the “Lord’s anointed” or not being “spiritual” enough to submit to the decisions of the religious authority.

The First Characteristic of a Spiritually Abusive Religious System:

There is a preoccupation with the leader’s authority and the constant need to remind others of that authority.

Leaders will spend a great deal of time talking about their “authority” and reminding others of it. This posturing appears most frequently in ridiculing or shaming remarks toward those in the congregation, including demanding total attention and allegience to the leaders’ words.

The difference between real spiritual authority and abusive spiritual authority is that the former actually possesses it, the latter only postures it. When Jesus taught he possessed spiritual authority because his life and his character backed up what he was saying.

One of the best ways to identify abusive authority is to pay attention to how much time and effort is expended by the religious leader in reminding others of his authority and how everyone else is supposed to submit to it. Abusive leaders are eager to place people under them – under their word, under their “authority” – and it is the clearest indication that they are operating under their own authority and not the Spirit of God’s authority.

Posted by at Friday, March 06, 2009

‘Alarm Bells’ And ‘The Shivers’ Given By Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley Pastors/Elders To Outsiders

by Velour/MtnShepherdess ©

Image result for david hayward freedom

Cartoon used with permission. By David Hayward. The Naked Pastor blog. Canada.

Several people who comment on the well-known blog The Wartburg Watch looked at my former church’s (Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley’s) website and they did not like what they read.

Jack on The Wartburg Watch:
“Just went to the website of this church [Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley]. The membership contract is a vague rip from Purpose Driven Life but the bylaws are the meat & potatoes!
In short, this corporation has no members. Members abrogate their rights upon signing the contract.
Just reading the bylaws lights up every warning alarm on the TWW [The Wartburg Watch] checklist of what to look for in an abusive church.http://www.gbfsv.org/by-laws
No doubt new attendees are love bombed before they read the fine print.
You should write this up as a case study of churches to stay away from.
It would be interesting to know how you became involved.”

 Statement of Faith
http://www.gbfsv.org/gbf-statement-of-faith

 Church Distinctives
http://www.gbfsv.org/our-ministry-distinctives

 Membership Covenant
http://www.gbfsv.org/becoming-a-member-of-grace-bible-fellowship

 By Laws
http://www.gbfsv.org/by-laws

Bill M:
“BTW, I looked over the website of your former church [Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley], their resources page reads as a veritable who’s who of nefarious organizations discussed here. I also note that least half the elders are staff, this inverts the accountability and put way too much power in the hands of the pastor. The preface of their statement of faith gives me the shivers and don’t get me started on their membership covenant.”
 Resources: http://www.gbfsv.org/helpful-websites
 Elders: http://www.gbfsv.org/elders—deacons
 Statement of Faith: http://www.gbfsv.org/gbf-statement-of-faith

Part 5: My Story of Being A Member of The Abusive Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley

Part 5 of a 5-part series.

 “A Badge of Honor” – My Excommunication & Shunning from a NeoCalvinist Church  – by Velour/MtnShepherdess ©

Something I’ve learned: there are people outside the church just as much not free as there are those within it. Being within or outside the church is secondary. What primarily needs to be und…:

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

            “Consider your excommunication as a badge of honor from a church like that!” –

Boz Tchividjian, Attorney/Law Professor/former sex crimes prosecutor/ advocate for child sex abuse victims/founder of Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.), grandson of the Rev. Billy Graham,  words of encouragement to me on my excommunication/shunning from Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley (California)

 

  1. Where I Found Help

            I did an internet search on “excommunication” and found the Petrys blog, Joyful Exiles,

devoted to their excommunication and shunning at Mark Driscoll’s former Seattle church Mars

Hill. https://joyfulexiles.com/

I am glad that they put their painful experience, of Paul’s being fired and excommunicated and shunned in writing.  He had opposed Mark Driscoll’s un-Biblical consolidation of power.

They were put in a terrible situation socially, emotionally, and financially for Paul doing the right thing.

Some of the former Mars Hill pastors/elders have repented: http://repentantpastor.com/ Mark Driscoll has not.

My internet searches also brought me to Spiritual Sounding Board and Julie Anne’s experience with an abusive, authoritarian church.  And finally through her blog I found The Wartburg Watch.

  1. Deprogamming

             I have learned that I know more than I thought I did.  I learned the history of many abusive church practices from commentators here like Gram3 and others. They saved my sanity, along with the blog articles. I have been able to share what I’ve learned with others, including in my reviews about my former church.

Some current church members contact me through social media, wanting to get out of that church. I have given them tips on how to do that.  And instead of criticizing the church, I ask them to tell me their concerns. They do. I tell them that I and others noticed the same things.  I ask them to tell me about other churches they’ve been to where they were treated differently.

They do.  I know that they have the answers within them, I simply see my job as being a safe person who can help pull insights out of them that they already know.

  1. Resources
  •  Thought Reform

 I found it helpful to learn about Thought Reform techniques from therapist/cult expert/author Steve Hassan’s blog.  Many of these NeoCalvinist churches, and other abusive groups, are using Thought Reform techniques to leverage conformity from members.

https://www.freedomofmind.com/

Hassan was inspired by the research of psychiatrist Dr. Robert Jay Lifton who studied Chinese Communist Thought Reform [brain washing] Techniques and the BITE model used by destructive  groups, including my former church:

The BITE Model

I. Behavior Control
II. Information Control
III. Thought Control
IV. Emotional Control

https://www.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.phphttps://www.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

Brad/FuturistGuy who blogs here has already written about Dr. Robert Jay Lifton’s work:

https://futuristguy.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/the-hunger-games-trilogy-5a/

  • Helpful Books  I have found books on spiritual abuse and recovery from it helpful.  The books that I have turned to most are:
  • Healing Spiritual Abuse by Ken Blue
  • Recovery from Churches That Abuse by Ronald Enroth (FREE online version)
  • The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen
  • Spiritual Abuse Recovery by Barbara M. Orlowski
  • Wade Burleson. I have found pastor Wade Burleson’s blog, he’s the pastor on The Wartburg Watch on E-Church on Sundays, very helpful in undoing so many of the false teachings that I was taught at my former church. http://www.wadeburleson.org/
  • Egalitarian In the future, I  hope to read Biblical Egalitarian writers, like Dr. Ron Pierce Rebecca Merrill Groothusis, and Gordon Fee’s Discovering Biblical Equality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTzThBTUXq0&list=PLYtrZmQ7NN0CRA-gWcqZOvB5nmUuJ6FNe  [some 15 hours]

  • Also Barbara M. Orlowski recommended three books by Susanna Krizo that uncover the

Refuting Complementarian/Patriarchy agenda:

  • Recovering from Un-Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Patriarchy
  • When Dogmas Die: The Return of Biblical Equality
  • Genesis 3: The Origin of Gender Roles
  1. Self-Care: A Supportive Friend And Treatment for Depression

             I became friends with a woman who posts here and on Spiritual Sounding Board. We also became friends on Twitter. She has posted candidly about her treatment for depression.  After talking to her, her bravery encouraged me to do same.

I was put on anti-depressant medication and anti-anxiety medication.  It has really helped me with the emotional challenges and losses from my bad church experience.  I also go to therapy once a week (regular therapist and not a Biblical counselor) and it has been helpful to help me process what happened and make concrete steps to take care of myself.

I receive emails from insiders at my former church, including my ex-senior pastor’smost recent email to several hundred church members about me, all lies per usual.

I have removed the names of the law enforcement agencies who are professional and whom my ex-pastor tried to take down in his attack on me, to give him credibility:

“Dear members-

[From this lie]One of our former members who is in the final step of church discipline, has recently been aggressively harassing some of our current members.  She has been spreading malicious gossip [police department No. 1], the [police department no. 2] and [law enforcement agency no. 3] all say she is unstable and should be ignored and or avoided.  So if she sends you a text or email, they suggest you ignore it and delete it with no reply.  They believe if she receives no attention, that in time she will stop.

In the meantime ask God for protection over the Body of GBF [to this lie. This email is 100% lies and I have NOT contacted anyone. In point of fact the law enforcement agencies have repeatedly referred to the Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley pastors/elders as liars as has the California Attorney General.]
Blessings in Christ,
Pastor Cliff [McManis, Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley”

My ex-pastor’s email to several hundred church members is totally fabricated.  Two church members work for police departments 1 and 2 and have repeatedly defended the senior pastor and the elders.

The third law enforcement has always said point blank that my church’s ex-pastors/elder were “lying” about the sex offender and that he is NOT coming off Megan’s List.

Additionally, it is not possible to “aggressively harass” current church members since I haven’t contacted any of them.  I haven’t had any contact with church members by phone, text, email, in person or by other means.  My ex-pastor’s email about me is a lie.

The law enforcement agencies have not said that I am mentally ill. To the contrary, they are alarmed at the conduct of these pastors/elders, including harassing former church members, excommunicating and shunning them, protecting a sex offender, and not cooperating with law enforcement.

I faithfully contact, every year, any school that rents their gym to my ex-church and tell them, “This is their policy about Megan’s List sex offenders and children. It would be wise for you to ban this church from your property as if it goes wrong you can be sued.”

Sometimes I wake up and my cheeks burn red with shame at what my ex-pastors/elders said about me and all of the people who believed them. My Wartburg Watch friend has gently said to me, “Give the shame back to them.”  I have. I take my hands and say, “Here is the shame and it’s yours not mine” and I hand it back to them.

And I sent the senior pastor’s email to all of the law enforcement agencies, to the district attorney, and to the women’s groups in Silicon Valley that deal with domestic violence and sexual abuse, are well funded and staffed, and have attorneys.  I also gave it to the San Jose Mercury News, our major newspaper.  I told all of them that this pastor and the elders can put this in writing or tell police, even if asked by police. It will then be filing a false police report, a crime in California that they can be arrested and prosecuted for. Anyone who wants to make those assertions about me – that I did any of that – can face arrest and prosecution for telling that to police, because it’s not true.

 26.   What is a Healthy Church?

            I have come across lots of books and articles on what an unhealthy church is and some qualities in a healthy church.  But I now know that one of the most important qualities is LOVE, the only mark of a healthy Biblical church as someone on The Wartburg Watch wrote.

I posted this story recently on The Wartburg Watch, about love during the Christmas season. Real Biblical Love.  I realized that the “formula” of church the NeoCalvinist way, or any way, that adds on to the radical message of Love on the cross…misses the message entirely.  God took off the “training wheels” of NeoCalvinism and let me know that “playing it safe” when it comes to love was really harmful.  So I must not look to pastors, elders, authors, or anyone else for my faith.  I must look to Jesus.

I must love like Jesus.  I must be around people that want to love like Jesus. And that doesn’t come through rules, formulas, shoulds and doctrines of men.  It comes by being transformed by the Holy Spirit.

“At my former NeoCalvinist/9Marks/John MacArthur-ite church many people espoused a hatred for gays. They had vile speech, and were proud of it.
I can’t do that because of my job, I have to uphold anti discrimination laws, and because a boss (who is a wonderful, talented professional) is gay.
On a deeper level, I couldn’t abide by the lack of love. In these groups people also proudly shun gay relatives. John MacArthur recommends this.
As a Christian, I can’t.
Years ago, in December a few weeks before Christmas, some friends called to say that their young neighbor in the countryside in their town by a river had been taken by paramedics to my city’s emergency room. He was dying of AIDS.
It was the middle of the night, a pouring rain storm, I was in bed, cozy and warm.
And God insisted that I go visit this young man in the middle of the night. I had never done anything like that before, or with an AIDS patient (which on my own strength would have frightened me). But the Lord was insistent. “Go!”
So I got dressed, got a teddy bear and some Christmas candy together (early Christmas gifts from others). I called a little old lady friend Catherine, 100 years old, Catholic, a retired social worker and a lovely, warm, kind person who could melt anyone’s heart. I asked her if she wanted to come with me. I told her the Lord insisted I go, and I was going. It would be nice to have company, but I understood if she wanted to sleep.
She said she wanted to come. She got out of bed and got dressed as well.
I went to a 24-hour supermarket and bought a small table top Christmas tree, with little decorations on it, some sports magazines, entertainment magazines, and some snacks.
My elderly friend and I went to the hospital. I told the nurse at the ER that, “Sean’s [the young man who was so sick] Christmas Angels have arrived.”
He was so stunned when my little old lady friend and I walked in with gifts to see him. I introduced us. He was so terribly weak. And he hugged us. I got him a Pepsi and fed it to with him a straw. Sean kept hugging Catherine, 100 years old. She stroked his hair.
He kept saying, “This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had in my entire life.” He was in his mid 20’s. His mother had died when he was a child. His family that remained was very dysfunctional and they had disowned him. They lived back East in Massachusetts.
The little room for indigent patients was nothing spectacular to look at. Old large discolored white tiles on the floor. No art work on the walls. Old, tired sink near by.
It was 3am and it was pouring rain outside.
But I could feel the presence of God and the angels in that room. I could feel them.
I thought when I went to give Sean some Pepsi or a hug or whatever that I would bump into an invisible visitor. That room was physically ugly but it was so beautiful because it glowed from the presence of God!
Sean said to me, “If you ever need anything, call on me and I’ll be there.” I smiled and I thought to myself, “What is a guy with AIDS who is this weak going to do for me. He couldn’t even lift a box if I moved.” I smiled and nodded. Sean repeated it, “If you ever need anything call on me and I’ll be there.” I nodded and said, “If I ever need anything I’ll call on you and you’ll be there.” He smiled weakly and said, ” Yes.”
I went, or so I thought, to minister to a young man named Sean dying of AIDS that night.
I thought that was what God wanted me to do.
Instead something entirely different took place: I was ministered to. It was glorious.
I told Sean I would see him a few hours later that day, bring him some Mickey Mouse socks from the mall to keep his feet warm. He said he’d like that.
When I called the hospital in the morning to ask about Sean, the nurse said, “Oh you’re the lady who was here with the 100-year old lady visiting Sean. Sean passed away peacefully this morning at about 6:30 a.m.”
‘When you did this for the least among Me, you did it for Me.’ That is what my Lord would have me do. The Royal Law of Love.”

 

Related articles in 5-part series

Part 1: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/19/part-1-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 2: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-2-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 3: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-3-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 4: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-4-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

 

 

Part 4: My Story of Being A Member of The Abusive Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley

Part 4 of a 5-part series.

 “A Badge of Honor” – My Excommunication & Shunning from a NeoCalvinist Church  – by Velour/MtnShepherdess ©

Image result for david hayward naked pastor google images bully

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

             “Consider your excommunication as a badge of honor from a church like that!” –

Boz Tchividjian, Attorney/Law Professor/former sex crimes prosecutor/ advocate for child sex abuse victims/founder of Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (G.R.A.C.E.), grandson of the Rev. Billy Graham,  words of encouragement to me on my excommunication/shunning from Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley (California)

 

  1. First Church Discipline Case: A Midde-Aged Woman Who Wouldn’t “Obey” and “Submit” To Her Husband According To The Senior Pastor

             The first church discipline meeting I witnessed at Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley, before Dr. Luke’s excommunication and shunning, was that of a godly, middle-aged professional woman and wife.  The senior pastor told church members to stay after the Sunday service for a closed door meeting. There were several hundred church members.  The woman was not there.

The senior pastor told church members that they had “worked with [the wife] for a very long period of time and she was now at Step 3 of the Church Discipline process.”

He said that she “hadn’t obeyed and submitted to her husband”, who was still a church member.

The senior pastor denigrated this dear Christian woman before all of us. She is a lovely, kind, generous person. She has a special gift in working with mentally ill adults who live in group homes and evangelizing them as well as with the elderly in convalescent hospitals.

The senior pastor told hundreds of church members to “pursue her”.  She responded by disconnecting her cell phone, her email, and moving out of the family home.

When I interviewed her she told me that there was something terribly wrong with Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley and that she refused to return. She went to another church in another denomination that had a solid church structure and outside accountability. She told me that the pastors/elders at our church had screamed and yelled at her, including coming to her home and screaming at her.

If they had done to me when she says they did to her, I would call the police and have them arrested.

The senior pastor told us at a members’ meeting later in the year that they had to “let her go”.  Ya think? It’s a free country.  She’s an adult and a tax payer.  It was unconscionable to me that she was ever treated this way.

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

  1. If You Want To Leave The Church You Have To Have An “Exit Interview” With Two Elders. Convicted Felons With Supervising Law Enforcement Agencies Aren’t Vetted When Joining The Church.

             The pastors/elders changed the By-Laws and if church members want to leave they are required to meet with two pastors/elders to have an “exit interview”. As the books on spiritual abuse have also said that abusive churches make leaving very difficult.

The pastors/elders at Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley however permitted their friend a Megan’s List sex offender who was convicted for child pornography to join the church, become a member, and they placed him in a leadership position over a team.  They gave him cart blanche access to all church activities.

He had served prison time and has a supervising law enforcement agency, the Sheriff’s sex offenders’ task force.

The pastors/elders told me that he was “coming off Megan’s List” because “he said so”. You have got to be kidding me? A convicted felon is on Megan’s List, was convicted for sex crimes, served time in prison has a supervising law enforcement agency and the pastors/elders take ‘his word’ instead of doing ‘due diligence’ with his supervising law enforcement agency?

The sheriff’s sex offenders’ task force and the California Attorney General’s Office called my ex-pastor’s and the elders’ stories “all lies” and “total lies”.  They said the sex offender is NOT coming off Megan’s List.  At this writing, he’s still on it.

 17.    The Rest Of The Story…A Bruising Meeting With Pastors/Elders About The Megan’s List Sex Offender

           As I said in the beginning of my story, the problems at this church – too many to count – came to a head over the issue of the Megan’s List sex offender at church that I had discovered by accident while doing a separate research project on a city’s sex offenders for a former sex crimes prosecutor.

I recognized the man at church as being the man I had seen on Megan’s List of sex offenders.  I reported my findings to the church’s pastors/elders.  They called me to a meeting.

I thought that we were going to have an adult conversation about child safety.  It wasn’ “adult” at all.  It was like all of the other things that they had mishandled.

http://www.churchlawandtax.com/web/2016/august/top-5-reasons-religious-organizations-went-to-court-in-2015.html

17a.     “Child Porn Isn’t A Big Deal”

             The pastors/elders told me that “child porn wasn’t a big deal.”  I told them it was “a very big deal” and it’s a violation of federal and state laws, felony crimes. I went on to detail the differences between adult pornography which is legal and child pornography which is illegal. I discussed all of the crimes committed against children to make child pornography, including rape, sodomy, oral copulation, false imprisonment, kidnapping, and drugging, to name just some of the crimes.

The senior pastor blushed bright red when I tackled the subject of pornography without flinching.

17b.     “Why Are You Calling Him A Sex Offender?”

             The senior pastor was furious that I had called the man “a sex offender”.  He demanded to know why I was using that word.  I replied, “It’s not my term. It’s a legal term. A person convicted of sex offenses is called a sex offender in the criminal codes.”

17c.     Megan’s List Sex Offender Invited To Volunteer At Basketball Camp

             The pastors/elders told me that they had invited the Megan’s List sex offender to volunteer at the five-day basketball camp that the church puts on for children in the summer time. The pastors/elders did not tell all parents, both church members and non-church members that a Megan’s List sex offender who is sexually attracted to children, could show up at any time to work with their children. It was not posted on the enrollment forms and posters.

What parent in their right mind would trust their children to a church knowing that a sex offender was given access to them by the pastors/elders?

Additionally, the Seventh Day Adventists, who rented their school’s gym to our church, hadn’t been told that a Megan’s List sex offender had been invited to come on to their property.

The Seventh Day Adventists are self-insured, they can be sued for any criminal acts against children that occur on their property, and they have strict child safety policies. Their authority at their own property was not respected by my (ex) church’s pastors/elders.  I contacted the SDA school and I asked them.

17d.     Had I Prayed For The Sex Offender?

             The pastors/elders said that they sex offender was their friend, they had known him for years and they would entrust their children to him.  They demanded to know if I had “prayed for him”.  I told them that I was there to discuss the safety our church’s children, not prayer time.  You do not bet the safety of children with someone who has already shown that when he had a choice between adult porn and child porn that he chose child porn.

Someone who is sexually attracted to children shouldn’t be around them.

(Note: According to a research study by the F.B.I. and the District Attorneys’ Association of inmates in prison for child porn, the majority of them confessed to having gotten away with “on-contact” sexual abuse of children. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to most people.)

17e.     Pastors/Elders Said Mothers Aren’t Permitted To Protect Their Children

             The senior pastor said that mothers aren’t permitted to protect their children and that if a father determines that the sex offender can touch his children that his word “is final” over his family and that his wife is “to obey” and “to submit” to him.

I hit him back with, “Mothers are required by God and California law to protect their children! She is NOT off the legal hook of responsibility by obeying and submitting to her husband.  If it all goes wrong, she can be arrested and prosecuted for criminal negligence, child endangerment, child abuse, and a variety of other crimes. She can land in jail or state prison. Child Protective Services can take away her children and put them in foster care.”

17f.      Had I Confronted The Sex Offender Per Matthew 18:15-17?

“Jeff T on The Wartburg Watch blog”:
‘Matthew 18
God I’m sick of hearing this from fascist church leaders. They NEVER use it to engage in a Spirit-filled discussion of resolving differences. It’s ALWAYS used as an instrument of oppression. Whenever someone in their church raises an issue they don’t want discussed, they stand up and shout “Matthew 18!, Matthew 18!”, the person raising the issue is then hustled off to a backroom and subjected to a process worthy of a Chinese Communist reeducation camp. They are told they are wrong, not on the basis of anything having to do with the issue itself, but because they are refusing to submit to authority, they are being divisive, ergo they are sinners and must repent and if they don’t, they are subjected to “church discipline”, meaning they are shunned and harassed.’

           The pastors/elders were enraged that I had written the California Attorney General’s Office about the sex offender, beneath his picture on Megan’s List.  He had attended the Bible study that I go to and had whipped the entire Bible study into a frenzy of anger one night about all of the “bad people in prisons”, save me who was staring him down. He had omitted that he was a felon, had served prison time, was convicted of sex crimes, and was on Megan’s List.  I went home that  night, summarized the evening for the Attorney General and said, “Don’t EVER take him off Megan’s List. He is highly manipulative.”

The four pastors/elders said that I was supposed to confront him pursuant to Matthew 18:15-17 and they told me that I had failed. I shot back with, “It was YOUR job to protect all of us from him.  I’m NOT confronting a convicted felon, a sex offender who is more than 6’0” feet tall, when  I’m a woman. This is YOUR failing not mine.”

 17g.     Chairman of the Elder Board Closed The Meeting With A Threat To Me

            The chairman of the elder board of Grace Bible Fellowship of Silicon Valley, the church that I had belonged to for nearly eight years, closed the meeting about my concerns for our church’s safety about a Megan’s List sex offender at church, by opening his Bible to a pre-marked page and reading it to me in somber tones.  He read me a Scripture that I was basically not one of them and that I was destined for Hell.

He and the other three pastors/elders issued a threat to me that they intended to follow through on.

He then called me at home a few days later and told me that he and the other pastors/elders had made “a decision” and that I was to never contact law enforcement again about the  Megan’s List sex offender. He also told me that I was to never reveal the name to law enforcement of the church I was a member of, the names of the pastors/elders, or the church’s location.  The chairman of the elder board told me that I was “to obey” and “to submit” to them in “all things”.

According to the pastors/elders the Membership Covenant entitles them to control every aspect of members’ lives.  In the United States and in my state (California) you can’t “contract” for illegal acts and that is not enforceable.

The “orders” of the pastors/elders can constitute Criminal Conspiracy (an agreement between two or more persons), Aiding and Abetting, Accessory After the Fact (if a crime has already occurred that is being covered up), Obstruction of Justice, Intimidating a Witness, and a Failure to Report as a Mandated Child Abuse Reporter, to name just a few crimes. The pastors/elders can face arrest and prosecution for their conduct.

  1. Sick, and Finally Sick and Tired Of An Authoritarian, Abusive Church

            In 2014, the Chairman of the Elder Board demanded meetings from me about the accusations made about me by the woman Dyslexic.  I refused.

I had been acutely ill for five weeks with a serious lung condition, I had been in and out of the hospital, and I was tired.  I was tired of their controlling every aspect of my life. I stood my ground with him and told him I wanted an apology for their prior threat to me. Enraged, he told me that I owed them an apology and I was banned from church and church property until I made “it right with them”.  I refused.           .

  1. Excommunicated And Shunned…Mine.

            Hundreds of church members were told to never speak to me again. That I was under Church Discipline. You know the usual story that the pastors/elders  had “worked with me for years” (you mean screamed at me and threatened me) and that it had all been “to no avail”.

The pastors/elders told such a manipulative story about me that friends who had been close to me for years, that said I was one of the only people at church to support them, refused to ever speak to me again.

None of what the pastors/elders told about me was true.  It was all lies. Like all of the other lies they told about the middle-aged professional woman who left and Dr. Luke.

“As Stephen Arteburn and Jack Felton [authors of Toxic Faith] remind us, it is often the case that ‘anyone who rebels against the system must be personally attacked so people will think the problem is the person, not the system.” Ronald Enroth, Recovering from Churches That Abuse,  (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1994), 153., FREE here:

 http://www.reveal.org/development/Churches_that_Abuse.pdf

[Note: This book and Dr. Enroth’s other book Churches That Abuse are available for FREE online, here: http://www.reveal.org/development/Recovering_from_Churches_that_Abuse.pdf I recommend them.]

  1. First Christmas…Empty Mail Box

            My mail box used to be full of Christmas cards and gifts. I didn’t get anything from friends I had at church for nearly eight years. I would open  up my mail box every day from around Thanksgiving to  New Year’s. I did not receive one card or  gift. Some members emailed me and told me they would never have anything to do with me again. They told me that they hated me.

And none of what the pastors/elders told them about me was true. The pastors/elders had intentionally withheld what the pastors/elders did to me.

“In his [Ronald Enroth] study of authoritarian groups, public discipline, ridicule, and humiliation become the common experience of participants. The fact that there is little or no feedback available to members from the outside provides an unhindered environment where leaders can demand corporate obedience to them with unquestioning loyalty to the group. The damage created in these groups is that true freedom in Christ is forfeited for human power. Leaders who practice spiritual abuse exceed the bounds of legitimate authority by lording it over the flock. All too often these leaders have the audacity to intrude into the personal lives of members. As many people regrettably find out, abusive leaders are self-centered and adversarial and there is little chance for any type of reconciliation or restoration.” Barbara M. Orlowski, Spiritual Abuse Recovery (Eugene: Wipf & Stock, 2010), 43.

 

Related articles in 5-part series

Part 1: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/19/part-1-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 2: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-2-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 3:  https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-3-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

Part 5: https://gbfsvchurchabuse.org/2016/09/20/part-5-my-story-of-being-a-member-of-the-abusive-grace-bible-fellowship-of-silicon-valley/

“Imaginary Conversions” C.S. Lewis

“If conversion to Christianity makes no improvement in a man’s outward actions – if he continues to be just a snobbish or spiteful or envious or ambitious as he was before – then I think we must suspect that his ‘conversion’ was largely imaginary; and after one’s original conversion, every time one thinks one has made an advance, that is the test to apply. Fine feelings, new insights, greater interest in ‘religion’ mean nothing unless they make our actual behavior better; just as in an illness ‘feeling better’ is not much good if the thermometer shows that your temperature is still going up. In that sense the outer world is quite right to judge Christianity by its results. Christ told us to judge by results. A tree is known by its fruit; or, as we say, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. When we Christians behave badly, or fail to behave well, we are making Christianity unbelievable to the outside world. The war-time posters told us that Careless Talk costs Lives. It is equally true that Careless Lives cost Talk. Our careless lives set the outer world talking; and we give them grounds for talking in a way that throws doubt on the truth of Christianity itself.” – C.S. Lewis